It is official. You may now address me as Bernard Dragon, Her Majesty, sir. Or don’t address me at all, peasant scum. Just go fetch my cashmere face wipe.
My human thought it would be amusing to put my most embarrassing photos on the internet. I thought it’d be hilarious to poop on her mirror while she was looking at herself. Now she sees what I see.
Don’t laugh. I just want you to hear it from me before it becomes widely circulated through the media.